i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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