i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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