Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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