My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
