even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
