Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
