in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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