If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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