$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
