im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
