I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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