I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
