the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He did a backflip because drugs
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
