Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
there is glitter all over my balls
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