I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
