I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
