Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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