I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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