ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
