thus making me awesome and them whores
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
