Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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