he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
