I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Randomize
