He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
