I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
