So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
