I wish I could punch you in the face.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
