I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
