I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
