a queef is a wish your heart makes.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
