you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
