If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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