I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
