I must be too annoying 4 u.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
