So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
