And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
