What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
