I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
