my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
