it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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