I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
