just survived the first fart of the relationship.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
