just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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