Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
