Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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