first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
