When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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