i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
