Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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