it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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