There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
