I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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