jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Less talking, more tequila
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
whose parrot is this?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
