He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
