even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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