I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
