Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
