we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
